i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
