why didn't you poke me back
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
