Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
