Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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