New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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