why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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