She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
