Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
