that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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