I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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