i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
