smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
