she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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