mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
