So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
