I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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