he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
