I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
