I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
