OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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