i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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