you have to choose: penises or morals?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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