I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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