Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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