Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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