I just made out with a guy for $7.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
