I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
