so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
