thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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