we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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