Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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