Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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