Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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