It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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