end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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