my being single is dangerous.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
