i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
