Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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