shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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