If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
3 2 1 whiskey
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
