i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
