dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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