I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
