I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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