New low: just hacked my moms facebook
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
