Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
