I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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