I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
