I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
