this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
