Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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